I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
