Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
