Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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