Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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