Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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