hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
