I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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