do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
