There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
