im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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