Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When are your genitals available?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
