Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
