i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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