There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
