forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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