i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
