I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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