This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
