It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
