I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
