Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
