Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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