a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
