I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
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The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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