Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
