My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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