this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
