sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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