so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
