Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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