what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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