IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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