im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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