Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
