So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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