Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
