Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
