remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
