ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
