Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it was like eating out sand paper
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.