What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
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i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
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Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.