make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
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I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
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Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me