It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
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I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
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That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.