I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
