I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
