The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
