Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
