I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
