4 words: hood of his car
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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