The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.