it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes