she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?