dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....