I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
