Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
