I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
