So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
