I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
