yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The power of my boobs compel you
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
