Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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