his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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