Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
