If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
