DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
