just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
