im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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