im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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