Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
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By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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