Plan B is the new Plan A
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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