okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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