I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
